The word “loneliness” evokes negative emotions in many people. Such as sadness, despair, hopelessness. But there are people who consciously choose life alone and don’t feel miserable.
What is loneliness – a personal choice or circumstances? Who can be called a “lonely person”? Is loneliness always harmful and unhappy?
Loneliness Is a Life Without Love
In today’s reality it’s impossible to live without social interaction. A person needs a person. But if we talk about loneliness as a life outside the “paired” value system, it’s increasingly popular.
Many consciously choose a life without marriage, family and relationships. Is that the real loneliness? Not really. Only a person can call himself or herself truly single. In other words, any external opinion is not the truth because it may not coincide with the inner feeling. What is more important is how you feel. If you live comfortably and happily without a relationship or family, playing at a casino online 20Bet or watching Netflix instead of going out somewhere in the evening, then you can only appear to others as a “loner,” but you can’t really be one.
It’s a heavy burden to have desires and opinions that don’t coincide with conventional wisdom. But that’s what building your own life is all about. And there is the following myth associated with it.
Single People Are Unhappy
No two people are exactly alike. Everyone has individual characteristics of character, temperament. All of this creates a person’s “personal planet.” On the planet of charismatic cholerics, aliens are those who categorically refuse noisy companies, parties, dancing until morning in a roaring crowd. On the other hand, for melancholic people, spending half an hour among the people is difficult.
Happiness is a subjective concept. Everyone lives in their own reality, where feelings of joy and sadness, happiness and sadness are different.
If you are the kind of person who thinks that loneliness is inextricably linked with unpleasant emotions, the following myth is for you.
Lonely People Have No Loved Ones, No Friends
Loneliness isn’t a physical state of “I am alone in space.” It’s a psychological state. Here we are talking about the essence of the concept. Being without people, friends, a loved one and feeling lonely are not the same thing. The biggest misconception sounds like this: “I am unhappy. I need to find a partner, fall in love, etc.” If you’re experiencing loneliness but a relationship isn’t working out, it’s worth going from the opposite direction. Turn to yourself. See why, with great desire, you can’t build a long-term, strong bond or friendship.
We are lonely because the path to love with another person is first and foremost the path to self.
Loneliness, in its real meaning, is not cured by other people. It goes away on its own if you learn to accept, to love yourself.
Loneliness is a void in the place of self-love. You can’t fill the emptiness with other people, things, or money.
Emptiness is born in response to the fear of looking honestly at yourself. To do something that will make you feel like you belong to the world. You can only fill yourself with yourself. Don’t grab onto other people, think about what you can change about yourself and your life.
Loneliness Is a Sign of Insecurity
In reality, it’s the opposite. The feeling of dissatisfaction with the people around you is the insecurity in yourself, in your own desires. If you have no one to talk to, to share important news or thoughts, you choose “strangers”, aliens from another planet. Why? Because of insecurity. Communication is like a buffet at a hotel. From “hunger alone,” the insecure person takes whatever fits on his plate. He needs to fill his stomach, but he doesn’t know what he wants and throws everything available in there.
This hunger is from an inability to find interesting things to eat. If you are not bored with yourself, there is no need to find company always and everywhere. A person who doesn’t know himself cannot recognize taste preferences. He feels lonely every time he is alone with himself. To find an environment that suits you, you need to know yourself, your desires and values. And here, oddly enough, it’s useful to be alone. To figure out what’s wrong and where to go next. This is where the next myth of loneliness comes in.
Loneliness Is Unequivocally Bad
It’s worth separating the concepts of “loneliness” and “solitude”. Normally, an adult can comfortably be alone with himself or herself. Moreover, solitude is a useful practice for accepting and “getting to know” oneself.
On the other hand, solitude isn’t only about not having other people around. If you are alone watching a movie or reading a book, this isn’t solitude. At that moment, you are in dialogue with the thoughts and meanings of the author of the work. Solitude means being in your own energy space. Temporarily closing it to extraneous thoughts, words, feelings. It’s like meditating on a conversation with yourself.
Try to be alone with the closest person, yourself, for 10 minutes. Ask him or her, “What are your dreams, what are your desires, your goals?” You can write a letter to yourself. Tell what you like about yourself and what you don’t like much. What you want out of life, what plans you make. How you go to your goals and dreams.
The ability to be with yourself and understand yourself is a sign of a mature person.
It’s not a myth. But if you choose to be alone in response to fear, it will not bring happiness. Many people put on the mask of “I feel good alone.” It hides the fear of making a mistake, of choosing the wrong people. It hides from others shyness, “lack of courage” in communication. If loneliness is burdensome, it can and should be avoided. The main thing is to honestly admit: “I want a relationship, but I’m afraid.” With the fear that you will accept, it’s easier to fight. Start by accepting yourself as a friend. It doesn’t matter if you are single or in a couple today. It doesn’t matter if you have best friends or acquaintances. What matters is that you have you. And that is no longer loneliness.
In this equilibrium state, you can choose your social circle and lifestyle. Build a relationship, a family or live alone and not be lonely. It’s just your choice. And it’s the choice of a confident, happy person.